Wayne Rooney apologises. But he shouldn't.

Wayne Rooney has, in a no-way-inspired-by-his-PR-Company-to-play-down-his-expletive-ridden-rant-to-mothers-and-toddlers-watching-MUFCvWestHam-on-Sky, has said he 'was wrong' to say what he did in front of TV cameras and that he 'accepts his punishment', stating 'it was just emotions'. Fair deal, but you already know my feelings on this subject. What spices the whole little episode up, though, is a story on the front page of the Telegraph website: Leading Actor's Gagging Order over Affair with Rooney Prostitute, which is much more like it. Some 'famous' actor, too terrified his wife might find out he'd been with a prossie, has succeeded in serving a gagging order on the press to preserve his anonymity. Presumably not only gagging on its own jokes, the Telegraph has its tongue planted firmly in its cheek for most of this article, later mentioning accusations that judges granted these orders 'by the back door'. It all smacks a bit of Private Eye c.1976, but that's actually no bad thing. The story eventually comes back to Rooney, saying that he had paid the lady in question, Helen Wood, and a certain Jennifer Thompson £1000 for a threesome in a Manchester hotel which, compared to having to fork out much larger sums to the FA for saying, sadly, not FA live on telly, can only be described as money well spent. No doubt his emotions came out that night, too. Our national scallies should behave like scallies, for that is what they are. Seeing them handcuffed with a cue sheet in front of some media presence like contrite monkeys à la Hugh Grant after his Divine night out on Sunset Boulevard appears a bit contrived, to say the least. After all, isn't it precisely this we loved so much about George Best, Rodney Marsh et al?

We all love a bit of cleanliness from time to time, but this perpetual need to be living in an inoffensive, sanitised society gets a little wearing, sometimes. No-one's perfect, and we all need to accept that imperfection is present in just about everything we say, think, observe, eat, drink and do. Let's embrace it, even if we do feel the need for a good shower, afterwards.