We object to…EVERYTHING!!!

An important part of living in France is realising that people in this still rather desirable patch of earth are never happy. Cycling to and from work today, I slalomed round a number of vociferous gatherings but couldn't work out whether or not they were connected. Back at Château Fingers I typed Manifestations Toulouse 17 novembre into a search engine and waited for enlightenment. Ready? Here goes:

1) Allées Jean Jaurès: Demonstration in support of Palestine. For a change.
2) Place Esquirol: Demonstration against gay marriage and adoption.
3) Saint-Cyprien: Demonstration against the expulsion of squatters and repatriation of Roms. By the Etat bourgeois, of course. It's there in black and white; you couldn't make it up.

Have a look. They're all cheesed off.

Some thoughts on yoga.

I started going to yoga classes shortly after stopping smoking, back in March, 2011. If you've never tried yoga, it's wonderful. Our centre isn't a bunch of hippy, peace 'n' love prozac addicts, it's just a collection of normal people who enjoy doing yoga.

Once you settle down on either your haunches or a funny little stool prior to the class kicking off, you're enveloped by a sense of calm and well-being. Not even street noises seem to bother you any more. When the class starts, however, you realise you're part of something much bigger: you are a central component of a highly centred and concentrated group of stretching and contorting adults who are, for a full hour, simultaneously trying not to break wind.

Almodovar for children.

Anyone with a brain knows the work of film director Pedro Almódovar. Those who don't, fine. Stay in your corner and keep quiet. Anyhow, I watched his latest - at least, I think it's his latest - film last night, La Piel Que Habito, The Skin I Inhabit (for want of a better translation) and I was bowled over by one thing, and one thing only.

That the plot was typical Almódovar didn't surprise me in the least - photogenic cosmetic surgeon Antonio Banderas performs major surgery on his daughter's rapist to recreate his scarred and deceased wife - is par for the course and, most remarkably, appears completely credible after thirty minutes or so. What is extraordinary harks back to a post I published concerning the French film Les Derniers Jours du Monde quite a few months back, now. There, we had cunnilingus, full-frontal nudity, incest and fellatio accompanied by a little green box on the back of the sleeve, stating Tous Publics - All Audiences - basically meaning that your five-year old son can watch with impunity, providing he's already mastered most of the techniques listed above, I suppose. La Piel Que Habito contains the following elements: Full-frontal nudity, rape, sexual intercourse, cunnilingus, torture, group sex and murder. Its rating? You've guessed it: Tous Publics. I really wonder what it takes on this side of the pond to get an 'X'- rating. If anyone knows, drop me a line, 'coz that'll be a film worth seeing…

Get Frisky, Be that Fifty!

OK, I know it was "Be Thrifty, Stick to Fifty", a government-led advertising slogan in the '70's exhorting motorists to reduce their speed in the interest of saving money and petrol during a socialist-induced fuel crisis in my childhood, but that magical, round figure has additional significance in the developed world: it elicits most from highly-placed powers who have, in general, no other interest in your existence other than that engendered by your crossing a chronological rubicon.

I'm talking about being Man + 50th Birthday = Humiliating Medical Tests. Our 'president', a man so insignificant he wasn't even present at the conception of his own children, has deemed it appropriate to write to me, informing me that, as a now fifty-year old legal resident of the cradle of human rights, I need to take advantage of the nation's advanced health programme and have a highly-trained medical professional stick his index finger up my arse. I will then need to pay him, but, apparently, thanks to the wonders of social medicine, I shall be reimbursed to the tune of 100%. This is, of course, absolutely brilliant. Before the arrival of social security, people wishing to avail themselves of this service generally had to pay a lot more and had no guarantee of being reimbursed. No guarantee of their professional just using his finger, either. In a nutshell, this is why France still leads the world. At least in terms of doctors legally violating their patients. Vive la France!

If that's a Farrah Fawcett lookalike, OK. If it's Bjorn Borg, no thanks.