If this is road safety, I'm taking the train.

I accompanied Fingernail I's class to a road safety drill this afternoon, run by the police. They've got a nice little facility, tucked into a spot of no-man's land in the middle of a motorbike race track next door to Francazal military aerodrome. It's actually nicer than it sounds, believe it or not. The children all started with a fifteen-minute test on the Highway Code, then split up into groups to variously cycle, then walk around the circuit, comprised of traffic lights, zebra crossings, left and right turns etc. Just like a mini urban landscape, in fact, providing your idea of a town is one that includes no buildings. They appeared to have little or no guidance beyond 'Walk round the circuit clockwise in pairs and obey the lights'. Then it was all change: pedestrians became cyclists and vice versa. This went on for about an hour but its structure seemed to owe more to free jazz than to disciplined instruction. When that was all over, everyone trooped off to the clubhouse to get their marks - or so we thought - and have a summing up from the police. None of it. 'Congratulations, you all passed the test!' declared a comely lady police officer. Well, what about correcting the mistakes, ironing out misunderstandings? No way, José! This version of the Green Cross Code was more like a Labour Party Political Broadcast: "You're all brilliant, you're all winners! Now it's time to hand out your prizes and have some cake!". Coming hard on the heels of François Hollande's bogus election campagne this whole Road Safety Light episode made me feel distinctly queasy. Each child was awarded a 'Pedestrian Licence' (sponsored by the MAIF, who had a salesman RIGHT there, dontchaknow), a wraparound bicycle clip and a flourescent jacket. Everyone cheered as each child was called out, a crescendo resulting in sugar-fuelled euphoria after sixty-two presentations and the obligatory orange juice and biscuits afterwards. The din in the coaches going back to the centre was deafening and didn't abate until all the children had safely dispersed into the bowels of the school; They looked like a swarm of genetically-modified, glow-in-the-dark wasps and our delicate, adult heads were pounding by the time we were relieved of our duties.

It was fun, but it wasn't instructive. OK, the afternoon should have been enjoyable but the whole point of these exercises is ultimately to educate and, hopefully, save lives; not just entertain. I do not understand why the monitors didn't go over the right answers. After all, most children would have just applied the multiple guess principle to the questions. They're generally bright kids, but that's no reason not to make sure they really understand it. I won't be letting the Fingernails cross any major roads on their own, yet…

Lo Stivale Restaurant, Toulouse

Went to this little gem this lunchtime for the first time with a few friends. It's tucked away off the beaten track behind Toulouse's fashionable Carmes neighbourhood. The address is 10, rue des Moulins and you can get them on the blower if you dial 05 62 26 28 19. The voluptuous waitress, worthy of her own post à la Deauxma in this august journal, will bring you excellent antipasti and a more than acceptable bottle of Montepulciano which, even if not cheap, is a rich and fruity delight. The boss and chef, Albano, does a great job and his efforts should be rewarded. Just behind us was a table of eight trainee catholic priests, who sung grace in harmony just before their salads arrived, which caused everyone else to look up, if only briefly, from their caciocavallo and mortadella. Two courses, wine and (superb) coffee put us back €20 each (the bottle was €25 divided by four, but you don't need to spend that much). Here's more info:

www.restaurantlostivale.com

Buon appetito…

EELV: Presumptuous idiots.

This is absolutely staggering: the French political party Europe Ecologie/Les Verts - or EELV to all those who don't give a damn about them - under the leadership of Eva Joly, polled 2.3% of the vote in the first round of the French election on April 22nd. Barely has Flanby Hollande scraped in and this collection of ragtag and bobtail opportunists has held a straw poll among their membership and found that an extraordinarily high percentage would like to be part of the new government. With 2.3% of the vote! The Green Party leader Cécile Duflot was on the radio yesterday, explaining to a bemused audience just why they should be up there having their say (as opposed to the UMP candidate Nicolas Sarkozy with 27% and  the Front National's Marine le Pen with 18% in the first round) but failed to convince the listenership, who voted 75% that she should stay exactly where her party's legitimacy lies: in the wilderness. It was incredibly crass and not a little ill-judged, but that just sums up the bunch of disconnected hippies that represent that worthy cause. Significant ecological measures are already in place and are endorsed by all political parties, but no doubt these left-wing energy fascists are keener to have a chauffeur-driven Velsatis and free luxury flat in Paris than we think, whilst upping energy costs for everyone else by abandoning nuclear-generated electricity. Get stuffed, the lot of you.

If you're bored with European news, try PRAVDA.

Yes, the iconic, Soviet-era journal of truth lives on, post-Yeltsin, in a sanitised, western form and is currently celebrating its 100th anniversary. It's still absolutely barking mad, though, and provides the average Joe with a much more entertaining canon of news pieces than our predictable dailies who mention nothing beyond French and Greek irresponsibility, over-budget Olympic games and Pakistani vice-rings. Here's a selection of this evening's headlines:

Marilyn Monroe was cooperating with KGB as 'Masha'


Naked taxi driver sentenced to coercive medical treatment


Armenia punished for boycotting Eurovision


Woman shoots her partner dead while dancing


Man lives in haystack for one month eating snow 

AND (my favourite):

Moldova cancelled.
  
All these are actual news items available as we speak on www.pravda.ru. I suggest you give this website a go. Apart from anything else, the journalists actually nail their colours to the mast, which makes a change from their French counterparts' tiresome habit of avoiding any question which could see them kicked off the gravy train they so gleefully ride at the expense of actually doing their job. Pravda.ru will also offer you some risqué links to other sites, should you be so inclined, so what's not to love. All aboard the train to Moscow!